How's it going so far?
Mine seems to be getting off to a rocky start.
I need to preface this by saying that throughout this planning process I have been the calm, cool and collected bride. Having a long engagement meant plenty of time to plan and make decisions. For the past year and a half I have been humming along happily picking out dresses, colors, menu options - the list goes on.
Everyone I meet tells me they're amazed at how carefree I am. Sometimes I even amaze myself with how easily I've been letting things roll off my back - especially on nights when my mom calls me freaking out over invitations or flowers. Wedding planning has been a breeze and I have been feeling preeeeeeeetty awesome.
December 31st was great. It marked the six-month countdown to the big day and in just a few short hours I'd be able to say "I'm getting married this year". How freakin' fantastic is that?! I'd say it's pretty freakin' fantastic... Especially if you've been engaged since 2010!
Then the ball dropped.
Both in NYC:
And in my brain:
(Sorry Romo, no playoffs for you this year! Don't mess with my Giants.)
Instead of the happy-go-lucky bride I was once I've suddenly undergone a serious transformation in the past 48 hours or so.
Things that I could care less about in 2011 are suddenly the most important things in my life in 2012.
My to-do list is getting longer by the minute and all I really want to do right now is sit on my couch and chug the bottle of wine that my fiance's parents got me for Christmas. But I can't because the wedding world is telling me that I need to drop 10 pounds before June or I will be an ugly bride. Meanwhile, my anxiety over not choosing a florist has amplified and my dress that was suppose to arrive in November is still MIA. It's enough to make even the most cool-headed person lose their mind.
Aside from the insomnia and the insane mood swings, the worst part is that I'm taking it out on my fiance. I'm snapping at him and starting meaningless fights that leave us both angry and upset.
This is no way to live my friends. And so, around 1 AM, when I was wide awake and staring at my ceiling, I did something about it. I started looking up resources on wedding anxiety. While there are a multitude of helpful sites, the one that caught my eye was Emotionally Engaged. I skimmed the site and then decided to purchase the book for my Kindle.
I managed to get through quite a bit of it before finally passing out on my couch and then picked it up again this morning for my hour-long commute to work. Can I tell you... I know it sounds crazy, but I already feel the weight being lifted off of my shoulders. Just knowing that I'm not the only one to feel this way and that it's okay to not be the calm and relaxed bride 100% of the time has helped to release some of my nerves.
And so tonight is all about learning to relax again. I'm going to take a nice run, come home, draw myself a bath and god dammit I am going to have that glass of wine. Because in the end it's not about the dress, or the flowers, or the 10 pounds I will or won't lose before the wedding. It's about starting the rest of my life with the best dude in the whole world and growing old with my best friend.
[Personal Pic]
BFFs
BFFs
Did your wedding nerves pop up at the strangest time? How have you dealt with the stress and changes that come along with planning a wedding and (more importantly) a marriage? I'm freakin' out here so I'm willing to take any and all advice! :D
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